Tomorrow is the day I’ve been counting down to since February 1. And now that it’s here, I’m not entirely sure how to feel.
On one hand, I have zero expectations. I fully anticipate walking out of my functional medicine center appointment tomorrow with no changes to my highly restrictive diet, no solid answer to the “why” behind my cystic acne concerns, and yet another costly round of tests to undergo.
On the other hand, I want to drink coffee again. I want to be prescribed a “Jessica diet” and not a “generic functional medicine center patient diet.” I want to walk out with a concrete understanding of the root cause of my cystic acne and how to prevent it forever. And I really want a vegan milkshake.
Here’s the balance:
I am all in. When I filled out my initial health questionnaire (22 pages long!), I also had to complete a “Readiness Assessment.” So, way back in December, here is what I wrote:
And the reality is, it is still true. Do I think that with the amount of work I’m putting in, I should be seeing more results? Yes. Is this highly restrictive difficult? Absolutely. But it is not impossible. And it is still true that I am incredibly fortunate that my cystic acne is the biggest health problem in my life. And, progress was made. My skin has improved. So, something I’ve eliminated must be part of the bigger issue. We’re making progress and I am more than willing to continue to do whatever it takes, even if that means no more vegan milkshakes.
As I prepare for my appointment tomorrow, I’m also thinking through the range of emotions I’ve felt over the last few months. At the beginning, I was hopeful. After 18 days, I almost snatched an oreo out of my student’s hands. After my first nutrition appointment, I was disappointed and couldn’t wait to “eat real food again.” Two months in, I watched the Total Wellness Summit, and realized I am eating real food. As real as it gets! And even though I really want a vegan milkshake, and my old eating habits were mostly fine, I still have no intention in giving up my new pegan lifestyle.
So, nervousness aside, here is the plan for tomorrow:
- Meet with the functional medicine doctor at 3:30pm. Discuss progress to date and a myriad of test results.
- Meet with functional medicine nutritionist at 4:30pm. Discuss piles of food journals, diet in general, and receive guidance moving forward.
- Go for more blood work, if necessary.
I’ll let you know how it goes!
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